Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Desegregation of Education

Well, since I've found the blog, rearranged the furniture and repaired the electrics, I guess I may as well use it.

This article was posted on a friend's wall, with much ensuing discussion.
Been musing on it for a while.
I disagree that changing the language is going to help much, because the problem is a segregation mindset, and a system that is based entirely on segregation. I think that mindset is more tenacious than a change of language can fix (although I fully recognise the power of language).
We have a schooling model that separates out different kinds of kids according to arbitrary parameters - medical diagnosis, performance on a test, ability in some specific area at age 12, parents' income. We then train teachers to deal with only subsets of these groups. There is a total focus on categorisation, usually done pretty poorly anyway.
The problem is, attempts to move more kids into the mainstream in the past have largely been based on grand gestures, without any changes to the way schools work, the mindset of segregation, or making sure that the right resources are available for all kids. So people have become wary of "mainstreaming", but it doesn't have to be this way.
We need to change the way we view education. There needs to be more teachers in classrooms - like at least 2 in every full class of 30. Classes need to be made up based on the way the kids work together, not ability levels or random draws. And all teachers need to frame their approach to students as finding the kid where they are, and showing them how to get to where they need to be next. Sometimes that may indeed require another teacher with skills specific to this child. Sometimes it may require another teacher who isn't triggered by this particular kid's behaviour. That's why teaching needs to be collaborative, not just in the staffroom but in the classroom.
Further on down the line then, segregation falls apart too. If kids sit in classrooms with kids of all types, then they get to appreciate that everyone brings their own strengths and weaknesses. When they are considering employing someone, they will consider the whole range of folks, instead of only those who they found themselves categorised with. Changing schools may not be enough in and of itself to break down segregation, but it's always a bloody good start.


Monday, October 17, 2016

Faces of Depression

Depression is a slippery thing. It looks different for different people. It sometimes feels to me that it's treated as a much more uniform thing than it is.

This post would probably be better as a piece of carefully written poetry, but sadly I am no poet and I suspect it would just end up sounding like some angsty teenager who's read too many badly written teen romances. So this is just a description of how depression feels for me. For no reason other than the words seem to need to get out of my head.

Depression doesn't slowly build for me, it hits me like a ton of bricks. Still, it's not triggered by only one thing. Lots of things will slowly erode my defences, and then one carefully aimed kick will just break me. It doesn't happen very often, it takes a pretty unique set of circumstances to make it happen - a bit like an airline crash.

It feels like sadness, emptiness and worthlessness.

It's listening to a poem with the lines:
Am I enough?
Am I enough?
Am I enough?
and tearing up because I'm pretty sure I know what the answer is.

And with all the emotion comes weariness. All I want to do is sleep. Often all I can do is sleep. I have obligations that need to be met, so I go out into the world to take the kids where they need to go, to do the work, but I barely manage the requisite social interactions.

I'm invisible when I'm broken. I can't be helpful or useful, so I almost cease to exist. I can be having a conversation with someone and they just sort of drift away in the middle of it, like they forgot I was there. I guess that's probably because I don't feel like I'm there.

To get back out of it, I have to fix it. Sometimes that means working out exactly what the kick was, sometimes I know what it was, and I just need to Spakfilla over the damage. But finding the motivation to do the fixing is hard. If I want to be visible again, I need to be useful and helpful again. I need the Spakfilla to set and make me strong enough to absorb the next kick and not break. But it can be hard to convince myself the world actually wants me back anyway. It carries on perfectly well without me.

Whether the world wants me back or not, eventually the need for human connection will drive me to fix myself enough to be useful enough to maybe be worthy enough of the world. It's happened every time before, and it will happen again.

In lieu of poetry, here's some Garbage lyrics.

"Fix Me Now"

Things don't have to be this way
Catch me on a better day

Bury me above the clouds
All the way from here
Take away the things I need
Take away my fear

Hide me in a hollow sound
Happy evermore
Everything I had to give
Gave out long before

Fix me now I wish you would (Fix me now)
Bring me back to life (Fix me now)
Kiss me blind somebody should (Fix me now)
From hollow into light

Crashing silent broken down
Falling into night
Who gave up an who gave in
I'll go without a fight

Cut me down or cut me dead
Cut me in or out
Kiss me blind time after time
Take away my doubt

Fix me now I wish you would {Fix me now I wish you would} (Fix me now)
Bring me back to life (Fix me now)
Kiss me blind somebody should {Kiss me blind somebody should} (Fix me now)
From hollow into light

Things don't have to be this way
Catch me on a better day

Nowhere only down from here
Pick me off the floor
Take away the things I dream
One time one place one more

Fix me now I wish you would {Fix me now somebody should} (Fix me now)
Bring me back to life (Fix me now)
Kiss me blind somebody should {Fix me now somebody should} (Fix me now)
From hollow into

Fix me now I wish you would {Fix me now somebody should} (Fix me now)
Bring me back to life (Fix me now)
Kiss me blind somebody should {Fix me now somebody should} (Fix me now)
From hollow into light

Things don't have to be this way
Catch me on a better day
Things don't have to be this way
Catch me on a better day.