Closer and closer

Elissa has taken her first very, very wobbly steps and is actively trying to stand. The record is about 5 seconds so far.

I have been hanging out for this for two reasons:

First, babies are so much happier when they walk. Well, at least mine have been. The new found independence is wonderful for everyone involved.

Second, she will be able to wear all those beautiful dresses hanging in her cupboard, just in time for summer, when dresses are at their most useful. She will also once again be able to wear things that cover her knees without destroying them in a single day.

Whatever the consequences, the process itself is absolutely delightful. Every attempt at steps or standing is accompanied by hysterical giggling and hand clapping. Nobody can resist a 12 month old in full giggle - there may be nothing cuter in existence.

Looks like we'll be having an upright Christmas.

More achievements

Last Sunday I mentioned that Elissa was about a week from crawling. Turns out I was spot on. She mastered the task this afternoon, and here is the proof positive.


Despite the weather, she is sans pants. You just can't learn to crawl on floorboards whilst wearing pants. And just don't mention the black stuff on the bib, I still don't understand where it comes from, except that it appears in the washing machine, and drives me batty.

Now if only I could predict stuff that was profitable...

The strange attraction of the baby aisle

I send a fruit gel or custard to day care as an afternoon snack for Elissa. They can stay in the bag until next time if they aren't needed, so they are handy. I ran out today, so I needed to restock at the supermarket (along with formula and nappy rash cream).

Why do I get a little rush of joy when I have reason to stand and look in the baby aisle? I look at all the little jars and satchels and the brightly coloured toys and dummies and other accessories and I get a strange sense of bliss. I don't buy any of it, just the stuff I actually went in for. But even when I was pregnant I would stop and look and wonder if I needed anything. It was peaceful.

We have a tooth!

I have been just a tad busy, so I never got around to writing the "Thank God for Bonjela" post I kept composing over and over. But as of yesterday it is no longer necessary, as the the little biter made its appearance. So we have a brief interval with a happy baby once again.

I keep forgetting what a lovely baby she is when is not in any pain or discomfort. She plays on the floor for an hour or more. She smiles and laughs and eats and eats and eats. Unfortunately any discomfort at all tips her into unput-downable, whingy, difficult baby.

Also this week:

We started day care since my sister moved on to greener pastures (by means of going back to the same company she left to work for us in the first place). The first day was Tuesday, when I had a 3500 word philosophy essay due in. I dropped them off at 8:30am, and at 10:30am the carer rang me and told me she was too sick to continue the day. *sigh* So I went back to pick them up (another near tantrum, because we need to have a tantrum when being dropped off and picked up). Thursday and Friday went better, whole days, semi-reasonable amounts of sleep. Pretty happy kids. The carer is lovely and Charlie likes her.

The essay did get completed, and I can kiss philosophy goodbye. It's not that I stopped enjoying it, it's mostly that I stopped being convinced by it. The essay I wrote was on the question "Are there really selves?". My answer was "Yes, for appropriate values of really and selves." And then about 3500 words supporting that statement. I just can't help feeling that while it makes interesting pub conversation, it really is just people contemplating their navels waiting for science to answer their questions. And they take it all so seriously, and expect me to believe what they tell me. So I start psychology next semester.

And finally, perhaps the most exciting news, I am no longer a cow! Elissa took a whole bottle Wednesday evening, and so I gave her one Thursday morning and there hasn't been a breastfeed since. Oh joy. Oh bliss. The boobs have not yet returned to normal. They are still sore, but at least the end is in sight. I get my body back for good! Thursday night I celebrated by working until 8pm and then going to a Tupperware party. Sounds riveting, but was actually liberating and the party was fun and wine-filled. I managed to escape having only spent about $100. I fell into bed at 1am.

The gods were smiling on us

This post has been sitting in my drafts since Tuesday, I couldn't quite bring myself to post it, but here it is...

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Well that was an enjoyable 24hrs. Yesterday was going pretty well. My tutorial preparation was on track to be submitted on time, and I had averted a major crisis all before lunch.

The major crisis was all about Ben. I had organised for him to go to a trial gymnastics class at 4pm to see if he liked it, and if so, enrol him for next term. When I rang yesterday morning they told me the 4pm class was full, and he couldn't attend. After a moment's panic, the woman confirmed that the 5pm class was available - inconvenient but this child was so excited we had to take what we could get. Then they told me there would be no trial classes at all that day. I think the desperation in my voice was sufficient and the woman whispered into the phone "If you just turn up they won't have any choice" and hung up. OK.

We averted the "I have to wait a whole extra hour!" crisis by heading to the shops to spend his hard earned cash on a new Captain Underpants book, and then the class was proclaimed as "Excellent!" and we duly enrolled him. Went home to a late but absolutely delicious dinner involving steak and mash and other good veg.

But then it all went awry. Bath time proceeded mostly as normal, but the boys managed to create some kind of distraction when Elissa was on the change table. Crash heard two thumps and she was no longer on the change table. She had gone backwards, head first off the end of the change table, managing to squeeze between the wall and the table. (The floor is tiled.) By the time I got upstairs (I was washing), she was on our bed with Crash, screaming. A 2 or 3 minute breastfeed calmed her instantly and she stayed calm. In fact she was laughing at me. She looked fine, but since that seemed implausible given what had happened, I took her to the hospital.

I naively thought they would just give her a CT scan and tell me all was good. Yeah, right. Just think that through a moment Ariane, a 5 month old who is rapidly getting over tired, but seems otherwise fine will lie perfectly still for a CT scan. Notsomuch.

The doctors were all a bit baffled about the disparity between what happened to my beautiful baby girl, and this bubbly happy baby they were presented with. So they poked, and listened and manipulated but couldn't find any evidence of damage. Not even a bump on the head. So down to paeds we went and waited for 4 hours with one or two sets of obs done in that time. Still no evidence of anything wrong, so I was sent home with a depressing green card saying "Your child has suffered a head injury." One of the things I was to look out for was nausea and vomiting. As I got her out of the car at home (at midnight) she threw up. God. I rang the hospital and the doctor spoke to me, spoke to a more senior doctor and they decided it was probably a one-off baby thing, but that anything else at all would have her back there immediately. I stayed up for another hour and a half, but nothing happened. She slept through except when I was obliged to wake her at 3am. I figured the fact that she was very angry was a good sign, and let her go back to sleep.

So now 24hrs out I still have an overtired baby who is struggling a bit to sleep tonight, but it seems that she is fine. My best guess is that she slid slowly between the table and the wall, and only frightened herself. And us. A lot. I have been a useless article today.

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Now three days later,it is clear that she really is fine, and I've remembered a few stories I have heard about people having near misses with their kids and I have never thought badly of them, so maybe I should cut myself the same slack. We were lucky, our moment of negligence had no consequences to speak of, the gods really were smiling on us.

Babies all look the same

I was reading about The Pioneer Woman's Easter, and came across this photo. Were it not for the blue eyes (Elissa's eyes are heading for green or hazel) and the swimsuit, I could so easily mix this up with my daughter. They really do all look the same, or at least fall into a small number of categories... :)

What will the neighbours think?

We have a new lawn ornament:


This is one of the standard rotations involved in keeping her amused throughout the day. We leave her out there on her own often, somewhere we can see her from where we are inside, but I'm guessing passersby can't see us. I sometimes wonder what they think when they see her out there by herself.


I also wonder whether she would take offence at being called a "lawn ornament" if only she knew.

That silly book

I am constantly astounded at the magic of this cheap little book my mother bought my kids. Whizz! has the most amazing ability to captivate very young babies. I can put Elissa in bed to screaming of the "Help! Help! She's cutting my throat!" variety, and within five words (Benny Bee and Lucy Ladybug to be precise) she is quiet and by the time I'm finished "were playing in the vegetable patch" she is giggling. (Of course, by kid #3 I am reciting rather than reading.)

This week she is even looking at the pictures. The boys were the same. If you know someone who is having a baby, buy them this book. It is a blessing to anyone's bedtime routine. I don't really know why. Sound effects have something to do with it, but other sound effect books don't seem to do so well.

Please excuse me while I do a victory dance

It's been 4 and a half weeks since I started Operation Bedtime. We now have a baby who goes to sleep without fuss immediately after her 7:30pm feed. She sleeps till after 7am. She will be 4 months next Wednesday. I am so lucky and so chuffed. Not to mention forever indebted to Angelo Badalamenti, who's CD must have been played literally thousands of times in my house and lulled my kids off to sleep over and over. I cannot overestimate the value of clear routine, at least with my kids. What is the emoticon for ?

I remember, I am an adult too.

Last night we found some time and emotional energy to behave like a couple. Enjoy some time together, actually talk - that sort of thing. Three and a half months into kid number 3, it's nice to remember we have a grown up relationship independent of the children.

Of course, kid #3 had to spoil the great night by waking at 5am expecting to be fed. After 5 nights in a row of sleeping through, I was getting my hopes up of no turning back. Oh well, hopefully it will be a one off.

Bedtimes are still slowly improving, only 2 trips up the stairs to calm her last night, and final sleep was achieved with her calming herself. I don't know what it is about me/my kids that results in crying being an essential part of bedtime for a few months. It feels almost like they need it to wind down from the day, but I know that other children can go to sleep without crying. Anyhoo, it works so we'll stick with it.

Right now I have about 4 loads of washing to do, plus other stuff and no motivation to do it. Best get off my butt...

Just about sorted

It's been nearly 3 weeks since we started operation bedtime and the light is visible. Plan A was not too much of a success in terms of bedtime, but what it did achieve was a daytime routine almost instantaneously. She went smoothly from 6ish feeds a day to 5, 4 hourly between 7:30am and 7:30pm plus one overnight.

She got a bit sick the second week which confused the whole thing. I tried a few other bits and bobs without much success. Then Tuesday this week, I tried "let her cry". Just a standard controlled crying technique, letting her cry for between a couple of minutes and 10 minutes and then reinserting the dummy, and maybe some other comforting if it seems sensible. This was a great success. She goes to sleep on her back, no rolling over. The time to total sleep is still a little random, but the average is much less.

And then the really amazing thing happened. She has started sleeping through! 3 nights out of 4 up to today. 4 feeds total in a day. I don't suppose I am free of night feeds entirely yet, but it is clearly on its way.

Something truly magical happens when 3 months of age and routines collide. And all this good stuff started from the simple act of fixing the last feed of the day at 7:30pm. It's all good.

Am I really the full quid?

Blue milk recently had a very sensible discussion about research into "baby brain", discussing various political implications of this kind of research. There was a lot of indignation at the suggestion that there is something "wrong" with the brains of pregnant and post-partem women, which I don't feel is entirely misplaced.

However, I have to ask myself, is my brain really working correctly when, after being greeted this morning with 2 farts and spit bubbles, I went all warm and runny inside and said "Hello beautiful"? I mean really.

A little more pondering on the serious side of this, though, has made me think of two aspects that blue milk's discussion didn't mention (at least the last time I looked). Firstly, in favour of such research, I suspect many women find comfort in the fact that there is a very real effect on their brain, it isn't their imagination. It's not just an emotional defect or some such. I feel better that there is a reason my near perfect conversation recall has degenerated to be patchy, and occasionally even inaccurate. Before I had kids, I never misremembered a conversation. I might have forgotten it completely, but if I remembered it, I remembered it verbatim. Now I misremember them. A terrible loss. I *like* having a scientific reason for that.

On the other hand, in the interest of defending baby brained women every where, my memory has only degenerated to be about the same or slightly better than most men I know. In the "things women generally do better" category, memory is well and truly a front runner. It is very important this kind of study is understood to be comparing women with their previous selves, and not with the rest of the population. We don't become inferior to men, just slightly less superior. :)

To change the subject completely, last night we had a truly fantastic dinner. Not measured by the superiority of the food, but by family success metrics. We had kebabs made with pork and pineapple, with capsicum added for me, and capsicum and mushroom added for Crash. A marinade based on spare rib sauce provided the flavour. A very, very basic salad accompanied. Ben ate absolutely everything, including FOUR kebabs. Charlie cheerfully ate two kebabs, ALL his carrot and corn and (drum roll please) a piece of cucumber! There were choruses of "Yummy dinner" throughout. It was all healthy, and even Elissa sat (read slouched) in her high chair allowing 2 handed eating on my part. Wow. Good times.

The curse of SIDS

You may have noticed that the photo with the pink cushion shows my 3 month old sleeping on her tummy. She is, without doubt, a natural tummy sleeper. So was my eldest child. The middle one had no truck with occasional tummy time, let alone any desire to sleep that way.

I have been lamenting the need for Elissa to sleep on her back, in consideration of SIDS, to most anyone who will listen, because it is the sole cause of any issues we have with her at the moment. If I could leave her to sleep on her tummy, she would take moments to settle and would no doubt be in her bed for all daytime sleeps too.

What has been interesting is the responses I get. Some clearly think I am a Bad Mother for ever letting her lie on her tummy, some sympathise, some had babies like my middle one and so the issue never came up, and some recommend, or allude to, rebellion.

My obstetrician asked if I was one of the "rebel mothers" who put their babies to sleep on their tummies. I could not quite tell from her tone what her opinion was of these mothers, it could have gone either way. Others have told me about a growing number of mothers who disregard the SIDS advice, mostly in an approving sort of way. Since the risk is small, it is argued, and babies like Elissa are definitely more comfortable on their tummies, we should just let them sleep that way. They make it sound almost like I am torturing my child for my own peace of mind. OK, possibly a little overly emotive, but that seems to be the vague idea. After all, I am reminded, there are no guarantees.

The last person who said this to me is someone who's opinion I respect, especially as regards medical-type things with kids. And so I gave it due consideration after the conversation. I figure the only way I can validly address it is to translate it to myself. The base rate of SIDS (without following the guidelines) is about 1 in 500, following the guidelines reduces it to about 1 in 1200. Boys are about one and a half times more likely than girls to succumb, but I am not factoring that in. So, imagine a doctor said to me that I had those odds of dying if I continue to sleep in my preferred position for the next 12 months, or I could more than halve those odds by sleeping in a more uncomfortable position. I am pretty sure I would do what it took to survive the 12 months of uncomfortable sleep.

So I don't find myself agreeing with the "rebel mothers" on this point. At the same time, I still wish someone could wave a magic wand and divine which kids are at risk so all the others could sleep in their preferred position without fear. Looking at the realities though, the chances of this ever being possible are vanishingly small.

The creation of an addiction?

This was taken last night, but for some reason it wasn't working last night....

Plan A was not so successful, so I tried a few other things. I tried settling in my arms - no dice, it took longer. I tried palming it off to dad - very successful, it took him much less time. He then admitted he had settled her first on the pink cushion she sleeps on downstairs during the day. So I brought the pink cushion upstairs and put it in her bed. Much faster initial settling. Much, much faster. It still took a while until she was able to be rolled over, but she was much lower maintenance on the way.

So am I creating a pink cushion addiction?

Tallying up time

I hate an indecisive result. 9:10pm she was in bed tonight, but I started a little early, so no progress. So my original theory was I would try for a week and change tack if I saw no progress. I can't say I have seen no progress, but really it's only a half hour average improvement. I am still looking at 45 minutes to an hour of settling. Not great. So now what?

I'm prepared to say it hasn't been a great success, but I'm not sure what to try. Backtrack to settling in my arms (not completely ridiculous, she is still not quite 3 months), attempt the next level and let her cry for 10 minutes or so, or carry on as I am for a little longer? Why don't babies come with a manual? I suppose if they did it would be written in Chinglish... Or they would come with a help desk manned by Bigpond staff...

This is where I should get some advice. Whichever I get least annoyed by is clearly what I want to try. :) That's how child raising advice works isn't it?

Oh, and the kid wrangling in the rain was made just that much more enjoyable by finding a flood in the garage and cellar on the way to the car....

Bit by bit

We achieved sleep by 9:20pm last night, but since we were running late, that was a better result than it sounds. Not to mention that she then slept through until 7:20am this morning! Not that I'm expecting that to become routine right now, but I'm happy to take the sleep as it comes!

Right now I am sitting next to an open window smelling the rain as it pours down. It is very pleasant really, or it would be if I didn't have to load three kids into the car in it to go out for lunch a little later... I hope Warragamba is seeing some of this.

Two steps forward, one back

Last night she fought sleep spectacularly, and didn't go down until 9:40pm. Very annoying... We'll see how tonight goes.

We went to a drenching today... or was it a birthday party? It was in a park, fortunately one with a large undercover eating area. Sadly the 2 year old just couldn't see the attraction in staying underneath said cover. I'd have photos, but I failed camera 101 and nothing was in focus. Bugger.

Day 4

Daddy did last night's bed time, and although he didn't specifically note the time she was officially sleeping on her back, it was definitely before 9pm! It looks like we might be making real progress!

School is not an overwhelming success, but neither is it a disaster. I think that's a pretty good outcome for the first day. We have 13 years to develop the mandatory school dislike. :)

Update - Plan A

Last night Plan A resulted in bub sleeping by 9:25pm, which could be an improvement or random fluctuation. Also, she woke at 11:30pm and I spent 40 minutes putting her back to sleep before she woke again at 1:15am, at which point I fed her. I hope it isn't related. The previous nights had been quite sensible (one waking at 2am and 4am each night respectively).

We got Ben off to school, with only a little bit of pouting. Hopefully things will be a bit more cheerful this afternoon. The pictured smile was extracted by Dad attacking Charlie with the "the Craw".

Endings and beginnings

Our long awaited holiday in the Hunter Valley is over, and it was great - if really exhausting. I was an utter mess for about 36hrs after we got home. But it was worth it. Good family time without heaps of pressure. And now my friends are acutely aware of all the bad habits my children have that don't actually bother us much, but get right up other people's noses. :)

And now we begin operation bedtime. It is time for Elissa to have a proper bedtime. At least I think it is. She may have other ideas. I am giving Plan A one week. If I see no progress in that time, I revert to Plan B. Plan A is bath with the boys around 7pm, last feed at 7:30pm and then to bed. Bedtime story, then roll on to tummy with dummy until sleep descends (while Twin Peaks soundtrack plays), then roll onto back - job done. Plan A took until 10pm the first two nights. Not exactly a raging success. So far I am unsure of Plan B, but I suspect it involves surrendering to settling in my arms, although I might give 10 minutes of crying a shot too. The story, on the other hand, is very popular. Laughs and giggles, it's all good.

And we also begin school tomorrow for the eldest. I still have much name writing to do tonight. It's very exciting for everyone.

But now, back to Plan A....