He is the very model of the modern preschooler

Charlie's urgent news after preschool yesterday:

"I didn't punch D today!"

These are the exchanges that led to this excellent achievement:

Charlie: D was mean to me today, so I just had to punch him.

Me: You can't punch people, Charlie. D is still learning how to be a good friend, and you hitting him isn't going to help him is it?

Charlie: [with skepticism] Alright....

[after a week or two]

Charlie: I've been telling all my friends that D is still learning how to be a good friend.

Me: [stifles hysterical laughter]

[Sunday night]

Charlie: D really needs to learn how to be a good friend!

Me: Remember, you can't hit him. If he is mean to you, you need to tell a teacher and not be mean back.

[extreme skepticism in response]