I just don't *like* babies

The enormity of the task ahead, namely bringing this newborn safely to the other side of babyhood, has just hit me. I knew the pregnancy would suck, and academically I knew I was no fan of baby's first year, but I suppose I had just blocked how much I don't like it.

It's not that I regret having the baby, far from it. I know that by this time next year, this will all be behind me and I'll be looking forward to talking and all the good things about children.

But right now the demands, the pain of feeding, and the guilt about not being able to pull my weight in the business are all hitting hard. I will never understand people who like babies, although I accept that perfectly rational people do. :)

I suspect that at this point in my life, with the business being what it is, losing my independence has been a bigger issue than previously. Certainly being able to have real maternity leave was better. And with Charlie, there wasn't anyone else in the business noticing what I wasn't doing.

Oh well, we'll get there. I am honestly glad to have a baby girl, I am just not convinced that adopting a 12 month old from China wouldn't have been a better plan. :)