I decided that talking about being bad at toilet training wasn't very constructive and decided to actually ask for help.
One of the mums at school was telling me about her methods - very old school. Remove the nappies and have potty on hand in an intensive way for a few days up to two weeks. She was also old school in timing - by age 2. She suggested it was easier when they were that age because they weren't old enough to say "I don't want to." I think she may well have a point, but since I have passed that window of opportunity (file it away for Elissa), I can't really take it on board. I have heard "I don't like it" more than enough already.
So I talked to Mum about her methods. She swears by a method that involves asking the child if they use the toilet after asking about everyone else in the family. This never worked with Ben, he gave random answers to all the questions throughout the process. So we discussed the motivation behind the method, which is essentially showing the kid what's in it for them.
We have a new Plan. Every morning we ask him if he wants baby nappies or big boy pants today. No argument about the answer. We talk a lot, casually, about the good things about being a big boy. Each night he is still offered the toilet before bath (a generally successful process currently) but no pressure is brought to bear if he says no. Other than that, no mention of toilets unless he brings it up.
I was pretty confident that at least one of my sleep methods would work, this I have much less confidence about. I hope to report a happy ending, but stay tuned, it could be a train crash. :)