I miss Nerida

Not just for all the obvious reasons, like the difference between having a 5 day a week nanny and 3 days of care in which all kids and everything they could possibly need for the next 9 hours are bundled into a car to the strains of "I don't wanna go to Nessa's house", or the good stuff of having a sister around to distract you from real work. I miss her being here on Wednesday afternoons so that we can bully each other into going to the gym.

It is all good and well for me to decide that I am happy at the weight I am, and go out and buy myself some clothes. However, even if I don't need to lose weight (and one day I might actually believe that), watching my body steadily convert what muscle it owned to fat is just not good. All Nerida and I managed was a very flakey once a week Pump class, but it seemed to be enough to maintain something resembling muscle tone, keep my back from giving me grief and otherwise work for me. Without someone to go with, I have gone precisely 0 times. I also haven't bought hand weights and devised my own routine, although I looked at them in K Mart once...

Reading fat acceptance stuff has left me with the impression that trying to make myself do stuff I really don't want to do is ultimately counter productive. Unfortunately it hasn't given me much insight into future perfect wants - things I want to have done. Perhaps I need to set the alarm and get up very early, so that by the time I actually wake up, I will have done. Maybe I should try to get into some belly dancing somewhere, because I really love that, although I find one class a week of that is not enough to change muscle mass.

And then there is the kid guilt. I go out a bit in the evenings, to miss another bedtime routinely isn't fair to them. They would miss me less in the mornings, Crash does the majority of them anyway. Maybe I have my answer. I just don't like it. I am not a morning person. I could really use a second Friday.