Last night I had one of those moments. You know, one of those Talking Heads moments, where you look around you and think "This is not my beautiful house" and (in my case) "These are not my beautiful kids".
I went outside to give them their 10 minute bath warning, and as I stood there looking at them, I found myself wondering how I ever came to be a mother, what on earth I thought I was doing attempting to raise children, and by the way, how did I get to be 38? I'm sure I'm still 25.....
But seriously, I'm responsible for these little people. How did that happen? I'm sure I'm not qualified and for that moment, I just couldn't really believe they are real. I never wanted kids. I was never going to have them. Until I changed my mind. So now I have three! I was never going to have more than two children either. Until I changed my mind.
Then again, I spend a great deal of my time pretending to know what I'm doing, and generally get through. I guess I just have to keep faking it for another 16 years or so.
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My partner and I call these "unreality attacks". I had them quite frequently when my children were younger. They started to wear off a little when my younger girls turned five.
ReplyDeleteI like that - good name. It's certainly not the first time it's happened to me. I can see why it would start to wear off around 5 - definite drop in utter dependence around then. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. :)
ReplyDeleteYou just made me get all teary and I'm not even sure why.
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